Escaflwne Goes Camping
by becki-ztar
Summary: Escaflwone+the wilderness+Dilly+Trees=Disaster
1. Climing Up the Mountian

Auther's note: Escaflowne camping? Uh-Oh. (Kinda helped by Sarin Kinarya)  
  
~*Escaflowne Goes Camping*~  
  
Chapter 1: Trying to get up the mountian  
  
"Why did I agree to come with you?" Van asked, sweating as he hiked up the mountain with pots and pans clacking on his back.  
  
"Wha?" Allen asked.  
  
"I said,Why did I agree to come with you?" Van repeated.  
  
"Well I came to scope out the girls. I don't know about you but that Hitomi has a butt that is out of this world!"  
  
Van stopped walking a lovesick expression on his face as he stared at the girls ahead of him. "I got to hand it to ya. I have a great taste in girls,"  
  
he said as he stared at Hitomi who was squished between Milerna and Merle.  
  
Hitomi was wearing tight short shorts and a belly-showing tank top.  
  
Milerna however was looking outragous trying to impress Van. She had about a ton of makup on and wearing a mini skirt and a skin tight tanktop. She was having a ton of trouble trying to get up the moutian with platform high heels.  
  
Merle however was trying to get Falcon's attention. She was dressed in half the makup Milerna had on and wearing shorts and a t-shirt that said "I love guys with metal arms."  
  
Falcon however did not notice Merle's efforts to impress him. He was too busy making sure he had every thing.  
  
"Metal spoon," his arm morphed into a spoon, "check, metal fork, check. Metal , check..."  
  
"Can you shut him up!" Dilly screamed,covering his ears, "I can't take it anymore! Metal spoon this, metal fork that," Dilly said mimiking Falcon.  
  
"Gun to shoot off Dilly's head," his arm morphed into a gun. He aimed it at Dilly's head, "Check."  
  
Dilly gulped, "Sorry old buddy old pal, did I offend you in any way?"  
  
"Why yes you did."  
  
"Well then how can I make it up to you?"  
  
"By giving me your lighter. I need it for lighting the campfires."  
  
Dilly stopped in his tracks and stared at Falcon. "WHAT GIVE UP MY LIGHTER? ARE YOU CRAZY? HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT TO YOU? DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS? JEEZE! CAN'T A GUY COME ON VACATION NOT TO BE TAKEN AWAY BY HIS FAVOURITE (well second favourite) THING IN THE WORLD? HUH? HUH? HUH?"  
  
"Relax I ment by letting me USE your lighter. Do you want to eat raw fish?" "I guess not. Are we th-ee-rr-ee yet?" Dilly whined.  
  
"Were no closer then we were the last time you asked 5 minutes ago." Allen replied.  
  
"Oh" Dilly said very quietly. "Are we there Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Now-eluja." They had reached their camping spot right next to a beutiful blue lake.  
  
"It's beautiful!" Hitomi gasped.  
  
"Yes it's just as beautiful-"Van started to say.  
  
"Oh you like the rainbow trout too Van?"  
  
"Yes that what I was just going to say! It's as beautiful as the rainbow trout Hitomi."  
  
"Hitomi? I said that Van. I'm glad you like the rainbow trout I LOVE rainbow trout. It looks great garnished." Merle said taking Van's arm. "Let's go FISHING!"  
  
"Who want's to go on a nature hike?" Hitomi said. "I mean after we get the tents set up and everything."  
  
"ME!" Allen and Van said.  
  
"But Van, honey, you said we would go fishing." Merle whined.  
  
"Merle you know-"  
  
"Great, Van and I will get our dinner. Come on Van." Merle started dragging Van to Falcon who was holding thier canoe in his arm.  
  
"Hey Falcon can you morph you r arm into a portable t.v.?"  
  
"Why yes I can."  
  
"MORPH, MORPH, MORPH, MORPH, MORPH, MORPH, MORPH," Dilly said staring at Falcon's arm.  
  
"Fine fine fine fine fine." Falcon morphed his arm. "Happy?"  
  
Falcon didn't need to ask because dilly was sitting in front of the T.V. watching  
  
his favouite network. `F.F.F=Fire Fire Fire!' Suddenly the channel went all fuzzy and a warning came up on the screen that read:  
  
We are sorry to announce that this channel is temporarilly unavailable. Please wait paitently and we should have this network up in a few hours.  
  
"A FEW HOURS WHAT IS WITH THIS CHANNEL ARRRRRGGGGGG!!!"  
  
Dilly brought out his flamethrower and said "hasta la vista Baby" and BOOM! Falcon's arm was on fire.  
  
"Ouch." Falcon said.  
  
"Oops" Dilly said.  
  
End of Chapter 1  
  
Auther's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. More to come. Stay posted. 


	2. Making Camp

Auther's note: Whew.  
  
Chapter 2: Making Camp.  
  
"Now this is camping," Merle said as she lay back in the boat. "Just you and the open water, and the fish of course."  
  
"Yeah this is the life. And I haven't got a bite." Van said as he gently lowered his head into his hands. "I wish I was Allen. At the camp with Hitomi."  
  
"Did you say something Van honey?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Because I thought I heared you say something."  
  
" I didn't say anything."  
  
"Oh that's good."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because the fish don't bite when you talk too much. Like the time I went fishing with my uncle Billy Joe Bob..." and she wen't on to tell Van about her first fishing trip. (Pretty boring if you ask me) (Hey wait a minute, she isn't suppossed to be talking!)  
  
***About the same time at the campsite***  
  
"And then I said to the hairdresser 'What are you doing I wanted my hair black not blue.' so that's why I have blue hair. Any questions?" Milerna siad.  
  
"Yeah can I go to the bathroom?" Dilly said.  
  
"Uhhhhh, Dilly?"  
  
"Yeah Falcon?"  
  
"Did you have to ask that?"  
  
"Well how was I supposed to know where you dug the pit for the outhouse?"  
  
Falcon sighed, "Behined the big oak tree next to your tent, so you don't have to wet your bed tonight."  
  
"Wadda you do that for?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell EVERYONE that I wet the bed at night?"  
  
"I didn't tell everyone."  
  
"Milerna doesn't count."  
  
"Hey!" Millerna exclaimed.  
  
"Why did you tell the trees that I wet the bed?"  
  
"I did?" Falcon said sheepishly.  
  
"YES YOU DID! YOU DILIBERATLY TRIED TO EMBARRESSED ME (well actually you did) AND YOU WANTED TO TAKE MY LIGHTER FROM ME AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST I DON'T WET THE BED!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Well when was the last time you wet the bed?'  
  
"Yesterday," Dilly mumbled. "But you don't here me conplaining!"  
  
"I wish I was Van fishing in the lake," Falcon sighed. Then I can get away from Blue Hair Girl and Damp Boy."  
  
"I DO NOT WET THE BED!"  
  
***About the same time hiking up the trail***  
  
"And-then-Aunt-Rhodie-'accidently'-dropped-the-chocolate-covered- flies-into-the-cookie-mix and-my-Uncle-Willy-turned-all-red-because-he's- allergic-and...jezze can't you go a little slower?"  
  
"Sorry what's that Allen?" asked Hitomi uncovering her ears.  
  
"I can't keep up with you. Your going too fast."  
  
"Good," Hitomi mumbled. "It's about time you found out that I want to get away from you. I like Dilly better then you."  
  
"Well anyway I was wondering..." Allen paused.  
  
"Yes Allen." Hitomi said praying that he wasn't asking for a date when they got back home.  
  
"Well Hitomi I know this is such short notice but..."  
  
"Yes." Hitomi thougt, 'No this is the end! I'll never be allowed to even look at antoher guy without being yelled at by Allen.'  
  
"Well..."  
  
"WHAT IS IT ALREADY?"  
  
Allen sighed. "Do you want to have a picnic?"  
  
'Yes! I'm still a free woman!' "Sure!" Hitomi said.  
  
'Someday.' Allen thought fingering the engagement ring in his pocket. 'Someday I will ask her to marry me.'  
  
***At Night Around the Camp Fire***  
  
"Oh ma Darlin oh ma darlin oh my DARLIN Clam in time."  
  
"DILLY! STOP THAT INFERNAL SCREACHING!" Millerna screamed. "You'll ruin my hair-do."  
  
"Wel so-oo-rr-y."  
  
"Who wants the last marshmellow?" Hitomi asked taking the marshmellow out of the fire.  
  
"ME!" Everyone yelled.  
  
***End of chapter 2***  
  
Auther's note: HELP ME I'M LAUGHING HYSTARICLY!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. That Night

Auther's note: Can't sleep, can't sleep!  
  
A sleepy night  
  
Dilly tossed and turned for 3 minutes. "I can't sleep."  
  
"Wha?" Flacon, Van and Allen said sleepily.  
  
"I said I can't sleep."  
  
"What?" Allen said.  
  
"I CAN'T SLEEP" Dilly yelled.  
  
"WHAT?" Allen said, Taking the ear plugs out of his ears.  
  
"I SAID I CAN'T..."  
  
"You don't have to yell."  
  
"Then why do you have the ear plugs in your ears."  
  
"To block out Van's snoring."  
  
"Hey, I don't snore."  
  
"Yes you"  
  
"No I don't"  
  
Dilly rolled over in his sleeping bag to face Van. "I heared you last night from my bedroom window"  
  
"Just because your my neibour doesn't mean you have to critisize what I do."  
  
"Well too bad I just did."  
  
***In the girl's tent***  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"ALRIGHT ALREADY" Hitomi yelled.  
  
"NO!" Merle and Milerna sreamed.  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Shove over!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Milerna." Hitmoi said warningly.  
  
"NO!" Milerna yelled.  
  
"Merle"  
  
"HITOMI TELL MILERNA TO SHOVE OVER!"  
  
"NO!" Milerna yelled.  
  
"Guys do you want the boys to know that we were fighting? I mean they won't like you any more!"  
  
"NOOOOO," and agonising Merle yelled then stopped herself (just in case Van could hear) "He seriously won't like me? Any more?"  
  
Hitomi nodded grimly.  
  
"Milerna. You have to get me and Van back together again."  
  
"You never were together!"  
  
"Yes we were!"  
  
"No you wern't"  
  
"Yes we were!"  
  
"No you wern't"  
  
"Yes we were!"  
  
"No you wern't"  
  
"Yes we were!"  
  
"No you wern't"  
  
'This is going to be one long night' Hitmoi thought grabbing one of the fourty six sets of earplugs that she bought and sticking them in her ears.  
  
~*End of Chapter 3*~  
  
Auther's note: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *takes earplugs out of her ears* huh? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 


	4. Sleepy Head Hassles

Auther's note: ALRIGHT WHO FORGOT THE CEREAL?  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Sleepy Head Hassles  
  
Van was the last one to wake up. His hair wouldn't co-operate. He used up half a bottle of mousse just trying to make his hair work. He wanted to be perfect when he went out to meet...  
  
"HITOMI! I NEED TO USE YOUR SUPPLY OF TAMPONS! I CAN'T FIND MINE! OH YEAH AND MERLE NEEDS HER CAT-NIP. I THOUGHT YOU PUT IT IN HER DUFFEL WHERE SHE WOULDN'T THINK OF LOOKING BUT I COULDN'T FIND IT. CAN I USE YOUR WEIGHTS?" Millerna yelled from inside the tent.  
  
"In my duffel. In your duffel. And NO," Hitomi said her awnsers in the order asked. Milerna opened her mouth to ask more questions. "And again NOT EVER. You can NOT use my new fruity scented deoderent."  
  
The guys mouths [with the exception of Dilly] all gaped at Millerna and Hitomi. The guys looked at each other and ran into their tent.  
  
"Wait for me," Dilly yelled.  
  
"Did you hear what I just heared?"Allen said.  
  
"I think I'm ln love," Van said dreamily.  
  
"I'm hungr-eeeeeeeeeee," Dilly whined  
  
"Dilly help me knock some sence into these people!" Falcon said.  
  
"O.K." Dilly said  
  
"Isn't Millerna the best?" Van said.  
  
"SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND I LIKED MILLERNA FIRST!" Allen screamed.  
  
As they argued -unbeknown to them- The girls were listening out side.  
  
"DID YOU HEAR THAT?" Millerna screached quietly. "HE LIKES ME! HE REALLY LIKE ME!"  
  
"I thought you liked Falcon?" Hitomi said.  
  
"What? Oh iHIM!/i He didn't pay anny attention to me." She sniffed. "But i two guys that I like! /i" Hitmoi coughed, "fighing over me! I mean this is just btoo/b much for me to handle." And with that, Millerna walzed into the boys tent not caring that she had forgotten to put on her t-shirt, and that all she had on was short shorts and a bra, she kissed both Van and Allen on the cheek.  
  
All the guys -except Dilly- fainted. And Dilly, seeing that everyone else had fainted -Falcon had fainted from exaspiration- pretended to faint. 


End file.
